well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
