I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
