I got chris browned last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There r osticjed everywhere
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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