Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize