So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
