I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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