You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
