It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
