If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
third nipple confirmed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
