after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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