tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
