I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize