If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
