I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
