I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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