The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
