i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
