Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have started to decorate penises.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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