I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
