If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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