If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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