All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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