Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
