I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize