we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
