if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
