Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
