He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
