I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
