no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
