I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was CRYING into my vagina
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize