I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
