What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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