sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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