I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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