THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
