I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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