the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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