is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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