those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
