she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
