Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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