god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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