Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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