I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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