Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
