i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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