I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
