Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize