I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
