SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
