Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
