in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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