We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
