a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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