Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
