So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
