the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
