So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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