...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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