your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
