Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
