after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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