Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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