walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
