she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
