You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
