i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
