And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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