So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
