A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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