Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
