I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
