i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize